8 Marriage Myths That Aren’t True, According To A Relationship Coach

8 Marriage Myths That Aren’t True, According To A Relationship Coach


[Photo: Pexels]
Don’t go to bed angry, never keep secrets, wave goodbye to sex and hello to ‘the one’, and your marriage will be happy ever after, right? Wrong. 
There are a lot of myths that muddy the marriage waters. We spoke to relationships coach Sam Owen to tackle them one by one.
Myth: A happy marriage has no secrets
Actually, sometimes it is better to keep quiet. Even in marriage, honesty isn’t the best policy. “We mustn’t confuse being honest and loyal to our spouse with being open about every little thing about ourselves and our lives,” says Sam. 
“If someone has told you something in confidence, your spouse shouldn’t know about it.  If there are things from your past that don’t impact your life with your spouse, they don’t need to know about it. Remember, sometimes, you don’t want to know everything about your spouse’s past, either.”
So think twice before you overshare.
Myth: Marriage must be 50/50 to work
Obviously a balanced partnership is the ideal, but there are situations where a different split can work too. “Marriage is about playing to your strengths and as human beings that split may be 60/40 or 70/30 and this will fluctuate over time based on life events,” explains Sam. 
“What you want to be equal are the values you live by such as love, trust, respect, commitment and friendship, and they can be 50/50.  Remember, marriage is about sticking it out through the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, ‘til death parts you.”
[Photo: Pexels]
Myth: Marriage doesn’t change anything
After all, almost everyone cohabits before marriage these days, so surely nothing really changes after the party’s over and you’ve got your piece of paper.
Sam disagrees: “Marriage and cohabiting are entirely different. If you look at the stats, the satisfaction levels of those married versus cohabiting are significantly different, in that cohabiters experience lower satisfaction than they had expected from their relationship set-up. 
“Committing to each other for life has massive psychological benefits, health benefits, boosts resilience and is a completely different mindset.” 
Myth: Don’t take each other for granted
Let’s be realistic. The mundane reality of day to day life makes it hard to always be thankful. Sometimes it’s unavoidable to go through phases where we might have to take each other for granted because there simply isn’t the breathing space to do anything else. That may be so. But, warns Sam, “it is easy to confuse complacency with expectancy”.
“And we can expect our spouse to bring certain things into a relationship because we are a team and we got married on the proviso that we would remain a team for life. 
“Complacency means lack of appreciation, and one of the biggest factors in a successful marriage is genuine, deep appreciation of one another.”
[Photo: Pexels]
Myth: Never go to bed angry
Even if it means arguing all night? “As much as this is sound advice in terms of starting the next day on a good note, sometimes we need to sleep on a problem to solve it”, Sam explains. 
“Research suggests the brain problem solves whilst we sleep so sometimes going to bed angry may benefit your perspective, approach and resolution.”


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