‘The Bachelorette’ Season Premiere Recap: Mojo for JoJo

‘The Bachelorette’ Season Premiere Recap: Mojo for JoJo

Kristen Baldwin
Editor-in-Chief
May 24, 2016
Warning: The recap contains spoilers for the season premiere of The Bachelorette. 
Oh man, rose lovers — remember when we thought Caila was going to be Bachelorette? Me either.
So welcome to JoJo’s “journey”! She had, like, 15 or 20 minutes to get over Ben’s brutal brush-off and now she’s ready to love again. Just look how ready she is!
Oh, crap. Wrong one, sorry. Take 2: LOOK HOW READY SHE IS, GUYS.
And we’re back at Casa Bachelorette! JoJo arrives in a floral romper situation, and look who’s here to meet her — kissy, weepy, and bitchy!
Former Bachelorettes Kaitlyn, Desiree and Ali have been called in for that first-hour filler “advice” segment that we all wish would just die already.
Great talk, “ladies.” And with that, JoJo is ready: “I could be meeting the person I could potentially spend the rest of my life with!” Man, that’s a lot of qualifiers. But never mind that — let’s meet the guys Team Bachelorette have deemed intro-package worthy.
Grant, 28: This firefighter from San Francisco just wants to help people — and maybe bag a hot wife, too. “I’m definitely hoping that JoJo is the one that lights my fire.”  
Jordan, 27: Up next we have our NFL-adjacent hunk Jordan, whose brother is actual football player Aaron Rodgers.
While Jordan did make it to the NFL for a time, football ended up destroying his relationship with a woman he loved. Now that he’s unemployed, though, he’s ready to make some lucky woman — could it be JoJo? — a priority.
Related: Chis Harrison Blogs ‘The Bachelorette’ Season Premiere
Alex, 25: A hot Marine with a twin brother who is also a hot Marine? Okay, here’s what needs to happen, Team Bachelorette: Hot Brother needs to dump Blonde Wife and join Alex in Paradise when things inevitably go south with JoJo. Get on that, will you? (Also yes, I know that’s a horrible thing to wish for, but I am the worst.)
Then there’s this asshat:
So… he’s just killing time until producers need to call someone off the bench for Bachelor in Paradise, yes? Next!
Evan, 33: Finally, a guy with a real job! Evan is a former pastor who now runs something called Male Medical Management — a chain of clinics that specializes in servicing pixelated-faced guys with penis puns.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Washington DC might become a state, and get a new name

Image
Washington DC might become a state, and get a new name Washington DC might become a state, and get a new name Washington DC might become a state, and get a new name As the capital of the United States, Washington DC is not  one of the 50 states. It’s a “federal district,” hence “District of Columbia,” shortened to “D.C.” But that could soon change, as they are currently bidding for statehood . If that happened, Washington DC would become the 51st state, and its leaders would give it an entirely new name. That name could quite likely be “New Columbia,” an old name that was approved by voters in a 1982 referendum in which Washington DC tried for statehood. It originates from Italian explorer Christopher Columbus, who is obviously a critical part of U.S. history. Washington, D.C. could have been renamed "Anacostia," but advocates for statehood chose "New Columbia." 󾓬󾓦󾓬󾓦󾓬󾓦… Posted by International B...
Read more

How Long Can You Go Without Washing Your Hair?

Image
How Long Can You Go Without Washing Your Hair? [Photo: Pexels] How often do you wash your hair? Once a day, every other day or as little as once a week? However often you might think your hair needs a good rinse, it’s probably not as much as you would expect.  We’ve all heard that whipping out the shampoo too often can make hair oily over time - but, of course, grease can also build up when locks aren’t washed regularly enough.  Most experts agree that we don’t need to be over zealous when it comes to washing our locks. So, what’s the right routine? “All hair is different but a general rule is not to over wash,” explains Lorraine Rose, founder of D&L Hair Products. “We tend to wash our hair for two reasons: Grease and smell. However, when hair is ‘never washed’ the smell does vanish after a period of time and the natural oils in the hair and scalp self-clean the hair.” And it’s a tried and tested theory. In 2012, blogger Lucy Aitke...
Read more

Ryan Gosling Repeatedly Storms Out of ‘Late Show’ Interview

Ryan Gosling Repeatedly Storms Out of ‘Late Show’ Interview Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe stopped by The Late Show With Stephen Colbert to promote their new movie, The Nice Guys . In what was clearly a planned bit, Ryan claimed that his agent told him that Russell refused to do the movie unless Ryan would do it with him. Russell acted surprised by this information and then said he didn’t really need Ryan for the movie or the interview. The next few minutes of Gosling storming out — repeatedly — will go down as one of the most epic exits of all time! Gosling started by saying bye to everyone while tearing a piece of paper on Colbert’s desk, throwing a pen on the ground, grabbing a book off the shelf and placing it on the ground, and then finally exiting out the door. The former Sexiest Man Alive then walked behind the set and out another exit before reappearing with the band as he banged on a cowbell. Ryan continued “leaving” until Colbert handed a T-shirt gun to C...
Read more