‘The Bachelorette’ Season Premiere Recap: Mojo for JoJo

‘The Bachelorette’ Season Premiere Recap: Mojo for JoJo

Kristen Baldwin
Editor-in-Chief
May 24, 2016
Warning: The recap contains spoilers for the season premiere of The Bachelorette. 
Oh man, rose lovers — remember when we thought Caila was going to be Bachelorette? Me either.
So welcome to JoJo’s “journey”! She had, like, 15 or 20 minutes to get over Ben’s brutal brush-off and now she’s ready to love again. Just look how ready she is!
Oh, crap. Wrong one, sorry. Take 2: LOOK HOW READY SHE IS, GUYS.
And we’re back at Casa Bachelorette! JoJo arrives in a floral romper situation, and look who’s here to meet her — kissy, weepy, and bitchy!
Former Bachelorettes Kaitlyn, Desiree and Ali have been called in for that first-hour filler “advice” segment that we all wish would just die already.
Great talk, “ladies.” And with that, JoJo is ready: “I could be meeting the person I could potentially spend the rest of my life with!” Man, that’s a lot of qualifiers. But never mind that — let’s meet the guys Team Bachelorette have deemed intro-package worthy.
Grant, 28: This firefighter from San Francisco just wants to help people — and maybe bag a hot wife, too. “I’m definitely hoping that JoJo is the one that lights my fire.”  
Jordan, 27: Up next we have our NFL-adjacent hunk Jordan, whose brother is actual football player Aaron Rodgers.
While Jordan did make it to the NFL for a time, football ended up destroying his relationship with a woman he loved. Now that he’s unemployed, though, he’s ready to make some lucky woman — could it be JoJo? — a priority.
Related: Chis Harrison Blogs ‘The Bachelorette’ Season Premiere
Alex, 25: A hot Marine with a twin brother who is also a hot Marine? Okay, here’s what needs to happen, Team Bachelorette: Hot Brother needs to dump Blonde Wife and join Alex in Paradise when things inevitably go south with JoJo. Get on that, will you? (Also yes, I know that’s a horrible thing to wish for, but I am the worst.)
Then there’s this asshat:
So… he’s just killing time until producers need to call someone off the bench for Bachelor in Paradise, yes? Next!
Evan, 33: Finally, a guy with a real job! Evan is a former pastor who now runs something called Male Medical Management — a chain of clinics that specializes in servicing pixelated-faced guys with penis puns.

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